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A Slight Change of Plans

Back when I first posted about our plan to adopt, I mentioned some of the determining factors in our decision to adopt from China: the fixed timeframe, the availability of children in the 6-mo. to 18-mo. age range, the likelihood of getting a girl from a country where girls are not wanted, etc.

Well, I also mentioned that logic has little to do with the decision, and now it seems our previous plans have been slightly modified. A month ago, at a seminar sponsored by our agency, Kari spent some time looking over the display of "special needs" children and was immediately smitten by the picture of one little 3-yr-old boy who had undergone spinal surgery at the age of 2 weeks, but who now suffers no ill effects other than the presence of a scar on his lower back. Kari asked me what I thought and I reminded her of the reasons (listed above) for why we were undertaking international adoption to begin with. And that, I thought, was that.

Then, last Thursday, Kari forwarded me a series of email exchanges she had had with the agency inquiring about the status of the little boy. Sitting at work, reading these emails, I was rattled. Needless to say, we had a long and serious discussion that night with the predictable result that Kari got her way.

I shouldn't put it that way. Kari was really already in love. She couldn't help herself. Dashing her hopes at that point would have been cruel.

But still, I was disappointed. While Kari had been carrying a picture of this boy around in her head for the past month, I had been picturing a hypothetical baby girl. It's really strange how emotionally invested you can get in just the idea of something. It was hard for me to explain to Kari that even though our prospective girl might not even have been born yet, I already felt committed. This sudden shift in focus felt like a betrayal to me.

That was Thursday night. Within twenty-four hours (actually, more like two) I was completely turned around. Kari's enthusiasm is infectious and now we're both devoted to our son (our son!). We visited friends Doug and Julie in Michigan this weekend and spent most of our time playing with Will and Audrey (their 1- and 3-yr-old) and absorbing as much parenting advice as we could. Plus we spent most of the travel time thinking of boy names: Benjamin it is.

We still have some work to do with the adoption process, not to mention all the other preparation: setting up a room, buying clothes, etc. The twelve months that we thought we had to prepare has suddenly shrunk dramatically. Part of the problem is that we don't know what our timeframe is now: 6 months? 2 months? The agency is reluctant to give us a timeframe until we are closer to being approved, but at the same time, they are also very reassuring.

And we have to keep reminding ourselves that it's still not a sure thing yet, but we're making progress.