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Adoption, First Steps

We're going to adopt a child.

Many of my readers (all three of you) already have heard this news already, but I figured I'd blog about it anyway, on the odd chance that there are people out there who might be interested or able to learn from our experience. I plan to report semi-regularly on our progress, including all of the hassles and joys involved.

After making that initial decision, we sat down with an attorney that Kari knew to gather advice. It was very helpful to have a frame of reference for getting started. The most helpful thing that the attorney said: there are all kinds of reasons for choosing a particular adoption plan and none of those reasons matter. What matters is that we are choosing to share our lives with another human being. At some point, any rational explanation breaks down and this decision is made for ineffably personal and emotional reasons.

Here's how our logic (or lack thereof) worked:

1. Get pregnant

We couldn't. We both have issues that make pregnancy highly unlikely.

2. Go through infertility treatments

Our doctors were encouraging, but we didn't want to. My concern was for Kari's health. Kari's concern was that I wasn't ready for children yet.

3. Wait

A couple of years were spent trying to come to terms with the decision whether or not to even have children.

4. Adopt

Yes! We're ready!

5. Domestic or International?

International.

We weren't as worried about the horror stories of domestic adoption--birth mother wanting her child back, custody battles, etc.)--our attorney assured us that these cases are rare. We just weren't so comfortable with the idea of "selling" ourselves to prospective birth mothers or with the uncertain timeframe (anything from 2 weeks to 2 years). International adoptions follow a more fixed timeframe, such that, if approved, you have a child at the end of a year's time. That seemed the best fit for us.

5. Pick a country

Here's where logic goes entirely out the window. I have personally always been dismayed by the cultural mindset in countries such as China and India where boys are favored over girls to the extent that girls are abandoned or abused or worse. In India, preference for adoption is given to Indian families, making it difficult for foreigners to adopt. China, on the other hand, has a very well-established international adoption program, so China it is.

Now, there are thousands (millions? billions?) of children all over the world who are worthy of our consideration and attention, there is nothing that says a particular Chinese girl deserves a chance more than a particular Guatemalan boy, for example. Leaving the successful track record of the Chinese program aside, the simple truth is that we can see ourselves with a Chinese girl. It's an image that just feels right, and that's good enough for us.

6. Pick an agency

On the recommendation of a couple of different people, we chose New Life Adoption Agency, an agency with a good track record with Chinese adoptions and is based in Syracuse. We've sent in a preliminary application and application fee and will be going to an informational meeting on Thursday night.

More to come, for sure.